||[May. 9th, 2004|05:15 pm]
|||||Placebo - Bigmouth Strikes Again||]|
well, nothing to worry about, my bro decided not do use the computer till after dinner, so i can finish my message for today. i did not have a very productive day. i woke up, had some coffee, worked out, ate breakfast, read the paper, did nothing on the computer, did a bit of homework (maths, i hate it), organised my letters, made a new map of Europe in which Holland is three times bigger, Nothern-Ireland joined Ireland, Schotland is a nation, and several countries formed the West European Alliance and conquered half of Europe. i bet everybody will think it's a bit strange, but i like it. i have to do more writing. i can be really angry with myself if i watched tv for like, two hours. usually, i don't watch anything intelligent and i know i could had written a lot.
i'm really looking forward to study in Leiden. it is still VERY scary to go al the way to the other side of the country, dispite of the small size of it, but i'm happy to have Gebbel with me if i go there. just like Saphira said on her LJ, i'm worried to lose friends. not just worries, but frightened, terrified. i love my friends, i don't need new ones, so i'm thinking, keep these. but of course, you can't stop friend from going other places, doing other things, meeting other people. wish i could.
but in spite of all these depressing thoughts, i'm quite happy, or at least satisfied.no point in worrying for to long.
i had two dreams this night, and the strange thing is, i remember both of them very vividly. one of them was just a scene from Star Wars - Return Of The Jedi, in our time. But the other one was scary, scary and very weird. it took place in a world like ours, but it wasn't. it was not futiristic or anything, but it felt very odd. no, it felt evil. that world felt evil and rotten. it was all in order on the surface, but you could smell the evil that roamed in everything there. i literally feel nauseous thinking about it now. in this Second Earth a change had occured. childeren and adults had become equal, just as men and women had become equal during the 20th century. kids owned stores, were cops, teachers, made money etc. but there were also childeren who did not want to be adult and self sufficient and they became some sort of savages. i can not express the images i see in my head right now, i can't describe the dream. what i cán tell is the last thing before i woke up. i walked into an alley. there, two savage-kids were holding another kid. they were all six, seven years old. the two were not beating the third, but just pressing their indexfinger in his arm continuesly. just repeating that little movement. again, and again, and again. it couldn't hurt the kid or something, but i saw the child was absolutely terrified. after i had watched them for a while (a minute, an hour, a day?) i decided to stop them, so i made two steps, bend over and took the arms of the two boys so the third was free. at thát moment, one of the two boys went into a frenzy. he screamed undiscribable frightening and was kicking and beating at the third one. and when i stopped the kicking child, it hissed: i hate you, i hate you, I'LL KILL YOU!
i woke up in sweat.